Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
