glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
