Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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