I need to stop coming to work sober
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
