My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
