Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think people are normalizing furries
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
