My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dicks are not precious.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
