So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
