Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
