I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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