dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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