u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
