dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love you. Go after that dick
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
