He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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