Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
