i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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