Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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