A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
