her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
