I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
