but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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