Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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