What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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