Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
