I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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