just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
