so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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