Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
