it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
