Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
