i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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