I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you had me at cake vodka
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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