I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
