Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
