I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
