I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
