Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
