I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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