can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I checked into jail on foursquare
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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