I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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