he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
