She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
