YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
