I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
