you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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