Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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