My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
