p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
