yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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