I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
