I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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