The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
