So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
